SO HOPEFUL

I have a job interview Monday! I’m very excited about this as it will put me

a) physically closer to where I need to be for classes
b) in a hospital/acute setting
c) working with the population I hope to work with post nursing degree.

indecision

I haven’t said much lately, which is because there hasn’t been much to say. Now, though…

I have an interview tomorrow afternoon for a nursing school. I have a nice outfit that meets my own (possibly random) standards of modesty. (to the knee, covering the shoulder) and am now debating on the head cover.

As in: yes or no. Right now both options seem perfectly reasonable and both options seem absolutely ridiculous. Why would I go so far as possibly jeopardizing my acceptance into this school for a head covering that I don’t think is absolutely necessary?

At the same time, a friend told me, “I don’t think you should yet.” I’m left wondering, if not yet, if not now, then when? and the only answer I can come up with is “never.”

And then I think, maybe “never” is acceptable for work. I can still cover for church and personal prayers. I could still cover outside of those times when not at work. Maybe I really shouldn’t cover for work. Yet, I know me. I know that if I stop at covering at work, I will probably stop covering outside of work. I might still cover for church, at first. But I know that it would be so easy for me to just stop altogether.

And then I think, well, that wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. I mean, I felt drawn to this head covering thing, but it’s not impossible that it could be a seasonal thing for me, and not a forever thing. I don’t feel drawn to head covering as I did before, when I started. I also don’t feel “drawn away” from it either. It is a devotion for me. A dedication. A reminder that I am somehow set apart.

Not covering would be easier in the sight of normal people, but… but.. damn it. I’m not normal.  In other words, I still haven’t decided. I might not decide until I get there and am getting dressed for the interview. Stay tuned…

Okay. So, I’m looking for a situation change: namely job & location. I have some leads on all accounts. I am so hopeful about this. I would really like it to work out. So all prayers are welcome, as nothing is sure yet.

working out the details.

So, I went out to check the mail today. I got to the mailbox and saw the one lone business envelope. Bill, I thought to myself. When I pulled it out I was shocked to see the logo of the nursing school I applied to ages ago.

I sent in the application in late July or so, but they recommended having them in by early June or even May. I didn’t finish everything, like the second letter of recommendation or transcripts from my alma mater until early August. I wasn’t even sure why I was sending it in because I knew it was late and the school’s assosiations make it pretty prestigous. I figured it would be a quick turn around to my rejection letter. “Class is full, we don’t need you.” And when I saw the envelope, it was small. When you get in to college the first time ’round, little envelopes mean ‘rejected’ because all you need is a letter, big envelopes mean ‘accepted’ because they need to send all the financial aid and housing and EVERYTHING information.

So, I’m feeling down. I expect rejection. I see the small envelope and I think, “Damn! Took them long enough.” and then I look at it, and there appear to be boxes, a grid on a sheet. That’s weird right? A rejection letter with a grid?

So, I open it. I see my address & the greeting, but the first line is hidden in the fold of the paper.

OPEN!

I got in!

I GOT IN TO NURSING SCHOOL!

My start date class is full, so I’m waitlisted there, but if I dont’ get in to that class, I am guaranteed a spot in the next class (which won’t start until Jan 2011) Which sounds forever in the future. I am, however, making plans for what I can do between finishing my prereqs (which should be done in the spring) and that January.

I think I’m still going to apply to the other nursing school I’m looking at, but at least I GOT IN! (commence screaming) and, it was my first choice school.

Now, to work out the details of getting to class for the prereqs and moving to another city.

a welcome reprieve.

So mostly my weekends are spent at home: chilling, sleeping, doing housework or work-work. I had last weekend off and thought I was going to spend it in my usual fashion, lounging around the house. And then a couple in my church invited the twenty-somethings (all four of us) our to their lake house. And then my friend, who is a postulant to the priesthood invited me to go with her & her husband to church with them on Sunday because she was guest preaching at another church.

I hesitated, because my lounging around the house weekends are kinda nice. Plus, I’m not a giant fan of change. But I decided to go for it because it had been a really crappy week and I thought the diversion could be nice. Left alone, I’m much too vulnerable to wallowing. So I spent the weekend up to my neck in people and, aside from the fact that I’m incredibly self-conscious and way over analyze things I say, post occurrence, it was really nice.

We went out to the lake. I’ve been on float trips in the states and I went to Bahir Dar, which is on Lake Tana in Ethiopia, but I’ve never done a State-side lake trip. It was lovely, despite the way the invitations went out (sending emails to twenty-somethings’ parents? way to treat us like tweens!) and despite my allergies, which really weren’t that bad out there. Went out on the pontoon and the water sport thing. Harold made some comment about making sure my scarf wouldn’t fall off. I laughed and said I brought a spare. (Yeah, I can’t manage to bring clothes if I got wet in the lake, but I had a spare scarf. For the record, I almost always have a spare scarf) Had some nice conversations and a steak the size of my face, home grilled to perfection, along with amazing side dishes.

That night, I went to my friends because they were planning on leaving at 6 am to make it in time for the 8 am service. I never sleep well the first night I’m somewhere new. On top of that, they have five cats and the windows open, so my allergies were killing me. Zyrtec is great for the cats, but it doesn’t touch my ragweed allergies. So I got about four hours, on top of the five from the night before. (I’m an 8-10 hours of sleep per night type person. Sorry for all the parenthetical asides.) I am way sleep deprived. We ride up to the church and sit through Morning Prayer with Eucharist (which was a lovely service, btw) twice. Things were very different from my own parish, but it was a nice change and after the 10 am service, I got to talk with a stranger who graduated from my alma mater. It was nice. She seemed to be a people-person and kept the conversation going. We also knew a lot of the same people, professors, because (A. it’s a small campus but also because B.) we both went to the same (only) Episcopal church. Again, it was lovely.

I got home, took a 3 hour nap and still had no problems with my normal bed time. I could have used an alone weekend on top of that one, but if I had to choose, I’m happy with the decisions I made.

semester summation

So, the semester ended with a final last Friday. Grades were posted Tuesday and I made A’s in both Psychology and Physiology. Yay. Especially since I was considering taking a B in Psych because I was 5 “chapter logs” behind. I spent some serious petitioning time in during finals week before I actually sat down to write them Thursday. Obviously they were due on Friday at the Final.

Mercifully, my boss allowed me to go home early Thursday. I finished the papers with much less stress than I had anticipated and then stayed up for several more hours doing the Extra Credit assignment, which doubled as our study guide for the final. Yeah, you kinda have to love community college freshman level courses.  Or hate them. Whatever.

Credit hour summation: 7 Credit hours this semester, 191 (if I can add) cumulative undergraduate. Holy Crap. When I get done with the BSN, expect mid 200’s. One of the other students in psychology with me stated that his gpa couldn’t handle another B at this point. I’m thinking, eh? what’s another B. I have a reasonable gpa, it’s not going to hurt it all that much, really. What’s the difference between a 3.36 and a 3.39 or 3.35? Don’t they all round to 3.4?

Also, given the death (or at least comatose) state of the Little Blue Death Bucket (I’m expecting a DNR from the mechanic any minute now) the summer semester will be class free and will  pick up in the fall, god willing!

I am now looking into the possiblity of staying with some nuns for a while in July. I’d like them to be Epsicopal (even though my priest insists that Episcopal nuns are generally  ‘the bad kind of liberal/hippie’) because I want communion, damnit. But I’d go just about anywhere. Any suggestions?

disjointed, to say the least

Historically, and by ‘historically’ I mean in my personal history, May 15th is a VERY important day and I’m not quite sure what to do with it, honestly.

Today was also important because I finished my finals for the semester, plus I asked a professor to write a letter of recommendation for nursing school. (oh, and she agreed!)

I had stayed up late writing papers and doing the extra credit assignment for my psychology final. The final itself was the same lenth as a normal test and thus took about twenty minutes to take. Which is good because that means I got out early and went to Springfield for some post-finals retail therapy.

Or something like that. I needed a watch for work. I had blown through several Wal*Mart watches. They break quickly for me, given my line of work. I have to wash my hands frequently. So, I thought since I’d go somewhere a little higher class than WalMart for a watch that might outlast a month, I’d go to the mall and just hit up all the places I’ve been wanting to go for a while. So I went to Joanne’s and bought some fabric for a pet project that I’ve been planning in my head for a while. I’m not quite sure if what I bought will fit in to the plan right now, but I’m sure if not, I’ll find something else for it. Besides, I’m all about getting that pet project fabric from the sale/clearance section.

Then to Target. For some reason I always forget that buying chocolate in the summer is not a good idea. By the time I got that stuff home it was all one big blob. But it’s still tasty like whoa. I also bought shampoo! That’s exciting for me because it means my 16 + month resolve to use up the soap pantry build up is slowly paying off. I am out of shampoo! I still have enough soap and conditioner to last until the Zombiepocalypse, but I’m on my way.

And then to the mall where I bought my beautiful watch. It’s a Relic from Sears. I really wanted a Fossil, but their designs kinda sucked. Plus, apparently Relic is made by Fossil, it’s small, water resistant, has dot for ALL the numbers and a second hand (all these are important for me because I use it for pulses and V/S at work and I don’t want to wait forever for the second hand to make it to the next quarter of a minute mark, you know?) and it was 25% off, so yay all the way around. I also ended up getting a completely unnessisary skirt, but it’s cute. Oh, and Flip Flops. My old ones were about to fall apart.

The last Springfield stop was the Catholic store. I had sent my “Immaculate Heart of Mary” prayer card to a friend who I thought might need her a little more than I did a while ago. I kept thinking that I would make it back and get another one and I had realized that I really missed her! So I got another one, Two, actually, for good measure and just in case. YAY IHM!

And if that weren’t enough as I was about to turn off to go home, I decided that no, I really should go put gas in the Little Blue Death Bucket, even though I was exhausted. So I went on into my small hometown. As I was filling up the tank, I swear to God, I heard this sound, and I thought to myself, “If I didn’t know better, I’d think that was the Call to Prayer from a mosque.” Seriously, long slow sounds of chanting. And so I listened. and I heard “ALLAHU AKBAR! Allahu Akbar!” coming from another car, I assumed. I tried looking around the car in front of me, to identify where exactly it was coming from, which I never did because I’m pretty sure it was some sort of intro to a song or something and all of a sudden it was gone, lost in some other song.

It was surreal, to say the least.

*sigh*

So, I have my physiology final tomorrow (or should I say later today) and I should be studying for it, but I am a procrastinator extraordinaire. Or, I’m just lazy. Either way, I can’t seem to stop reading Overheard in New York or picking at the roof of my mouth, where I must have burned it on store bought frozen pizza.

But whatev, I survived last week, which involved sleep deprivation, severe school stress, a water heater breaking, storms, a pointless 45 min. (one way) drive to a campus that was deserted, and in general frustrations with postponement.

I now have hot water, albeit slightly orangy for now and school will be done on Friday.

a ‘happy easter’ moment

So, as we were leaving class today our teacher says “Happy Easter! [pause] if, uh… you celebrate that…”

I was almost out the door, and paused myself as he did, turned a bit and looked at him as he ‘clarified.’ I was pretty sure that was for me. Because I am obviously a muslim. I debated clarifying myself as a Christian or just walking on.

In the end I just walked on, and at Good Friday service today, I wondered if that was one of my own Peter moments. When I talk to some of my classmates in Physiology, I tend to throw words like “my church” in to the conversation when possible. Though I’m not sure that relabels me as “Christian”

I suppose I’m frustrated because most people just assume and no one bothers to ask. (of course last week I think I was thankful no one ever asked)

follow up on ramble.

Okay, wait. That last post might not have come out the way I intended. I have struggles when it comes to headcovering.  And in ways these struggles go with ‘fitting in.’  I read blogs of Christian women who cover, and nearly all of these women are married. I wonder if I will ever find a husband, and if headcovering might be putting an extra barrier between me and my future husband. I’m already pretty socially inept when it comes to men, now add a headcovering? What am I thinking?  Is headcovering really that important?

There are days when I wake up and I’m having a particularly good hair day and I think “Hm. I really don’t want to cover my head.” On these days, I either end up wearing a kerchief with my hair hanging down beyond it or I do a 180 and say “Screw those people! I don’t want them seeing my hair” and cover even more that I might on a ‘normal’ day.

I guess what I’m saying is I totally don’t have everything in control. I ‘like’ headcovering but I will always have issues, with this and many many other things. The only think I can see to do is take one day at a time. Today I cover. For Today. Tomorrow will come and we’ll see what goes down then.

(This post was written almost immediately after the previous one, but I’m publishing it several hours later, as long as I can figure out how to do that)