the elephant in the blog

So. in that last post I said “I love America” because I do. I didn’t remember until I sat down and actually wrote that post how lucky and blessed I am to be an American. I met a German in Yemen who worked at the German Embassy. She didn’t cover in Yemen partially because she could not cover in the Embassy. According to her, religious symbols of any kind are forbidden in all German government buildings. No crosses, no Islamic scarves, nothing. Hijab is banned in French schools.  I am blessed to be in a country that allows me to practice my religion in any way I see fit.

But that isn’t where I intended this post to go. I said “I love America” but not “Praise the Lord, for all his interventions!” In some ways, I acknowledge that it was him who stepped in and brought up the head covering again before I left that office. And in other ways, I fight that idea. I acknowledge that it was only through his strength that I said anything about religion. and yet I fight that idea. The nurse’s response must have been straight from God. And yet, I say it was just a coincidence.

Divine intervention is Hard.
Hard,
with a capital H.
It is too personal.
It is too close.

Divine Intervention
means that God is
a personal god.
I believe this;
but I fight it.

I believe,
but I don’t believe.

Jesus loves me.

Jesus does not love me.

How can I cover when I fight these things that others just take for granted? Maybe I cover because I do fight. I will not say that I give up on any of these ideas. I will not just accept what comes naturally to me. I will not allow myself to forget these struggles in the midst of daily life.

Not yet.
I still have some fight in me.

masha’allah.

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One Response to “the elephant in the blog”

  1. Emily Says:

    The fact that you fight these things within yourself shows how devoted you are to God, and to living the life He wants you to live. Those that take it for granted may just be blessed with the gift of radical acceptance, or unshakable faith, or whatever you want to call it; or they might be cursed with lack of deep thought, introspection, reflection…

    It seems like you’ve been blessed with those last three, and from personal experience I know they can feel like a curse sometimes, but they make you a much more interesting person than you’d be without them. They make you think, and that makes you smart. When you struggle with things like those internal fights, the victories are sweeter than those achieved without effort. Keep fighting, keep thinking, keep asking God for guidance and little reminders…just give yourself a break sometimes too.

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