another rambling thing.

Last night was the Feast of the Annunciation, and is my church’s tradition, before weekday evening masses, we meet at a local Chinese restaurant before the service. As I was arrived, the Choir left, to get to the church to practice, which left me and one of the choir member’s husband, who is a priest at another church.

We were talking about some stuff, when he said “I noticed you always wear a scarf on your head” Which always leads to awkward explanations and half tripping over myself and being unclear about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

I’ve been covering for seven months and I still don’t know how to explain myself. At work when people ask, I start with “it’s a religious thing” which leads to “what religion?” and blank stares when I say “Episcopalian”

And then I (feel like) I need to explain that I’m just about the only Episcopalian that I know who covers. But last night, it was a priest. He knew that no one covers! So, I didn’t have to explain that.  I did some combo of “tradition/don’t care for Paul” thing and blah blah blah.

Anyway,  I’m left frustrated because I can’t articulate what I want to say when people ask and I hate that. But people rarely ask. And I rarely think about it.

I cover because … I cover because I feel like I was called to.  And I like it. I struggle with finding an appropriate style from time to time.  I struggle with finding a style that will stay on with little fuss.

When I first started, I definitely struggled with work covering. I still hate that little white square kerchief.  I’m not a banana person. I have a few but rarely wear them out of the house.  But my coworkers have accepted it, or at least are tactful enough not to talk about it to my face. and I move on.

NO ONE in my classes have asked about it EVER in the past seven months.

And I’m left if my uncomfortablity with being asked about it is because no one ever does, or if it’s because I just don’t think about it. Because I don’t. It has become part of me.  I cover because … because I cover.  I don’t have words for it.

And at the same time, I wonder if there will come a time when I don’t want to anymore. If this will somehow “run it’s course” and I’ll take it off, and it will not be part of me anymore. If I will fight it the desire and hold on to covering or if I will just set it aside, and move on. And I wonder if it will even matter.

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4 Responses to “another rambling thing.”

  1. Isaac Says:

    If you’re all ready “covering because you cover,” I think that you will need a reason to stop covering. In other words, if it is a part of you now, it isn’t suddenly going to stop being a part of you. When you are dealing with religious people, I would think that your ‘I feel like I was called to do it,” would be a pretty good explanation. Not sure what to tell you for other situations like work and school, but as you said, it hasn’t been an issue, so why worry?

  2. dana Says:

    Isaac, You’re such a BOY! I’m really just venting a bit, more than actually searching for an answer. “I feel like I was called to do it” is an ideal situation, but can be hard to actually say. Maybe you don’t have that problem. and trying to play it off as “just who I am, just the clothes I wear” doesn’t seem quite right to me as well. Though I understand downplaying it, I’m not quite sure just how to do that.

    I do wish I had a succinct answer, but I think my problem is that I haven’t been working towards one. I don’t think about it anymore. I put it on and forget about it. And I wonder if it is too soon for that…

  3. Spring Says:

    As a UU, I have similar problems. A Jewish friend once asked me, “Do you cover for the same reason my people cover? Modesty?” and I kind of got gummed up. It’s certainly a part, but it’s not the whole. I cover for reasons that more closely resemble why Jewish men cover rather than why Jewish women do – out of respect of God and from a sense of religious identity. I likewise feel called to, and I wonder if I always will. I decided to revisit the question after a year has passed.

    I do always have problems articulating. Maybe it’s supposed to be that way, as a growth exercise.

  4. dana Says:

    Spring,
    How long have you been covering? I don’t remember if you’ve said or not. I am glad I’m not the only one who has a problem explaining exactly why I cover, and it can definitely be considered a growth exercise.

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