indecision

I haven’t said much lately, which is because there hasn’t been much to say. Now, though…

I have an interview tomorrow afternoon for a nursing school. I have a nice outfit that meets my own (possibly random) standards of modesty. (to the knee, covering the shoulder) and am now debating on the head cover.

As in: yes or no. Right now both options seem perfectly reasonable and both options seem absolutely ridiculous. Why would I go so far as possibly jeopardizing my acceptance into this school for a head covering that I don’t think is absolutely necessary?

At the same time, a friend told me, “I don’t think you should yet.” I’m left wondering, if not yet, if not now, then when? and the only answer I can come up with is “never.”

And then I think, maybe “never” is acceptable for work. I can still cover for church and personal prayers. I could still cover outside of those times when not at work. Maybe I really shouldn’t cover for work. Yet, I know me. I know that if I stop at covering at work, I will probably stop covering outside of work. I might still cover for church, at first. But I know that it would be so easy for me to just stop altogether.

And then I think, well, that wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. I mean, I felt drawn to this head covering thing, but it’s not impossible that it could be a seasonal thing for me, and not a forever thing. I don’t feel drawn to head covering as I did before, when I started. I also don’t feel “drawn away” from it either. It is a devotion for me. A dedication. A reminder that I am somehow set apart.

Not covering would be easier in the sight of normal people, but… but.. damn it. I’m not normal.  In other words, I still haven’t decided. I might not decide until I get there and am getting dressed for the interview. Stay tuned…

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2 Responses to “indecision”

  1. LisaM Says:

    I’ll tell you my first though on your “season” comment: either you believe it’s necessary, for whatever reasons, or it isn’t. If it is now, that won’t change just because you enter a new season of life. In other words, if it’s right now, it’s right long ago and it’s right in the future. I agree with you on your “prophetic” reasoning, that if you give something up for one reason, it will be very easy to give it up for others. The thing is, as you have determined before, that it is necessary at times and yet not all the time. Keep a clean one handy when you’re at work, should the draw pull you to prayer during work time. I would even ask about those very cute hair cover things that lots of medical people wear, even out of surgery, for cleanliness and health reasons. (loose hair is “gross” sort of anyway, and should be worn up by medical people more often, perhaps). Maybe even mention it in your interview, should the person be the appropriate type, that you do like to cover for prayer sometimes, at might even during work hours, if that would be ok – knowing that a headcovering from the “outside” might carry contaminants, so you wouldn’t wear it around medical equipment or patients. You could even ask if it would be okay to wear one of those old fashioned “snoods” that works like a headband with a cloth or lacey “sack” in the back to keep your hair out of the way. Me rambling – I keep thinking about this subject, and wanted to share thoughts with a medical type… blessings…

  2. dana Says:

    Hm. well, I disagree with the “it will never change” but either way, I don’t believe it’s necessary. I do believe it is in general good for me.

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