Posts Tagged ‘head covering’

Happy Hanukkah!

13 December 2009

srsly.

I’m celebrating in a possibly blasphemous, completely contrived way. I’d like to say I’m enjoying it, but I’m super stressed from waiting to hear about this job. I think the interview went well enough, but … it might just come down to me not having any experience in this area. I hope not because I totally want this job and I know I can rock it.

At the same time, my current job is stressing me out as well. There are a lot of new people, a lot of under-staffing and it’s hard. Plus my coworkers are irritating me, which probably says more about me than them.

I’m having the stressed out dreams. Something about a brand new rotting bicycle and a shop reminiscent of Yemen. Something else about work. Something else about church. It’s probably good I don’t remember them any better than I do.

I’m also thinking about headcovering off and on. It seems to be just something I do now, which is fine by me, but I think when I move, I will stop the full time covering, and I will probably miss it. I’ve gone through phases with the headcovering. The most recent of which was a Jewish style, around the head and around the bun in the back of my head. It’s becoming uncomfortable though. I find myself wanting to wear full hijab or nothing. Not really sure why. I end up wearing hijab at my house and something else outside of it. Because I don’t want the Islamic associations.  I’ve done hijab before and then moved on. Like I said, phases. Guess I’ll just take it as it comes.

Anyway, prayers for obtaining this job, housing, transportation, and workable class schedule, plus not freaking out & what not are appreciated.

around KC

22 November 2009

Stats for the day:

2 covered women at the serbian orthodox festival (not counting me)
14 hijabis at the mall
1 suspected pentecostal at the mall.

indecision

19 November 2009

I haven’t said much lately, which is because there hasn’t been much to say. Now, though…

I have an interview tomorrow afternoon for a nursing school. I have a nice outfit that meets my own (possibly random) standards of modesty. (to the knee, covering the shoulder) and am now debating on the head cover.

As in: yes or no. Right now both options seem perfectly reasonable and both options seem absolutely ridiculous. Why would I go so far as possibly jeopardizing my acceptance into this school for a head covering that I don’t think is absolutely necessary?

At the same time, a friend told me, “I don’t think you should yet.” I’m left wondering, if not yet, if not now, then when? and the only answer I can come up with is “never.”

And then I think, maybe “never” is acceptable for work. I can still cover for church and personal prayers. I could still cover outside of those times when not at work. Maybe I really shouldn’t cover for work. Yet, I know me. I know that if I stop at covering at work, I will probably stop covering outside of work. I might still cover for church, at first. But I know that it would be so easy for me to just stop altogether.

And then I think, well, that wouldn’t be the worst thing ever. I mean, I felt drawn to this head covering thing, but it’s not impossible that it could be a seasonal thing for me, and not a forever thing. I don’t feel drawn to head covering as I did before, when I started. I also don’t feel “drawn away” from it either. It is a devotion for me. A dedication. A reminder that I am somehow set apart.

Not covering would be easier in the sight of normal people, but… but.. damn it. I’m not normal.  In other words, I still haven’t decided. I might not decide until I get there and am getting dressed for the interview. Stay tuned…

a welcome reprieve.

3 September 2009

So mostly my weekends are spent at home: chilling, sleeping, doing housework or work-work. I had last weekend off and thought I was going to spend it in my usual fashion, lounging around the house. And then a couple in my church invited the twenty-somethings (all four of us) our to their lake house. And then my friend, who is a postulant to the priesthood invited me to go with her & her husband to church with them on Sunday because she was guest preaching at another church.

I hesitated, because my lounging around the house weekends are kinda nice. Plus, I’m not a giant fan of change. But I decided to go for it because it had been a really crappy week and I thought the diversion could be nice. Left alone, I’m much too vulnerable to wallowing. So I spent the weekend up to my neck in people and, aside from the fact that I’m incredibly self-conscious and way over analyze things I say, post occurrence, it was really nice.

We went out to the lake. I’ve been on float trips in the states and I went to Bahir Dar, which is on Lake Tana in Ethiopia, but I’ve never done a State-side lake trip. It was lovely, despite the way the invitations went out (sending emails to twenty-somethings’ parents? way to treat us like tweens!) and despite my allergies, which really weren’t that bad out there. Went out on the pontoon and the water sport thing. Harold made some comment about making sure my scarf wouldn’t fall off. I laughed and said I brought a spare. (Yeah, I can’t manage to bring clothes if I got wet in the lake, but I had a spare scarf. For the record, I almost always have a spare scarf) Had some nice conversations and a steak the size of my face, home grilled to perfection, along with amazing side dishes.

That night, I went to my friends because they were planning on leaving at 6 am to make it in time for the 8 am service. I never sleep well the first night I’m somewhere new. On top of that, they have five cats and the windows open, so my allergies were killing me. Zyrtec is great for the cats, but it doesn’t touch my ragweed allergies. So I got about four hours, on top of the five from the night before. (I’m an 8-10 hours of sleep per night type person. Sorry for all the parenthetical asides.) I am way sleep deprived. We ride up to the church and sit through Morning Prayer with Eucharist (which was a lovely service, btw) twice. Things were very different from my own parish, but it was a nice change and after the 10 am service, I got to talk with a stranger who graduated from my alma mater. It was nice. She seemed to be a people-person and kept the conversation going. We also knew a lot of the same people, professors, because (A. it’s a small campus but also because B.) we both went to the same (only) Episcopal church. Again, it was lovely.

I got home, took a 3 hour nap and still had no problems with my normal bed time. I could have used an alone weekend on top of that one, but if I had to choose, I’m happy with the decisions I made.

conversion speeches

2 September 2009

We have a lady at work who, apparently consistently, tries to convert people to her form of Christianity (or as some might say cult).  I didn’t realize this until a couple of weeks ago. I walked in to the med room and there were a couple of med techs and nurses there. One mentioned that the lady had a pill she needed and the other med techs and day shift nurse all said something like “Don’t make me take it! Every time I go in there, she tries to convert me.”

I shrugged my shoulders and took it, because I have no idea what they are talking about. This lady, while strange, has never overtly tried to convert me. Actually, I don’t think she’s ever told me what her religion is. Though, I know because gossip reigns supreme at work. Also, she keeps religious pamphlets out & whatnot.

Her attempts to convert people were confirmed today when I went into her room and tried to give her her meds. She must have been so intent in her conversation with the CNA that she didn’t even notice me.  I’m standing there, trying to hand her her meds, and she’s asking the CNA about demons & ghosts. When the CNA leaves, she tries to tell me they were talking about something completely different, the news. Uh-huh lady.

Though it did get me thinking back to when I first started headcovering.  She (along with several other residents and family members) asked me what my religion was. So, I told them Christianity. Because that’s what religion I am. Of course, that’s pretty insufficient for most people because as one co-worker said “Hey, I’m Christian, but I don’t wear that.” And then they ask what denomination. So, I say “Episcopalian.”  Which leads to blank stares. Because really, who knows what an Episcopalian is? Which leads to (I swear the leading to will end) my own personal conundrum. Do I just let them sit there and think that there is a whole denomination they haven’t heard of that wears headcoverings or do I attempt to explain that I’m the only woman in my congregation that covers? That I might possibly be the only woman in my Diocese? I still don’t have a good (read, consistent) answer for that.

Back to the lady. She asks me about the headcovering. I stumble through the awkward conversation that follows. She generally leaves me alone. Until a month or so later. I go in to her room to take her some meds. She asks me, and I quote (or what I can remember of a quote, nearly a year later) “So, is that *pointing to head* scarf thing working out for you?”

I swear to God almighty the words were “Is that working out for you?”  At this point, I was stressed to the max with work and class, general sleep deprivation and fast food living and I was pretty much pissed with this question. I barely know you, and you’re wondering if my scarf & my religious convictions are working out for me? It’s probably a good thing I left with a quick & curt “Yes.” Otherwise I might be getting my own conversion speeches.

a running followup

25 June 2009

So, I wrote earlier about going running. And then I didn’t say much. Because I didn’t do much. And then I was talking to a friend about my dog over the weekend. Apparently some of his  whinyness might be due to not getting as much exercise as he needs. So I resolved to walk him daily, or rather, twice a day. Which I put off, until on Monday when he finally chewed through the tie out he was on.

That night, after I got back from work we went for a walk. Yeah, I walk my dog at midnight. Because that’s how much I love him. Even as he is pulling my arm off. And the next day we went in the morning. I wore pants and a long sleeved shirt and a walmart bandana. And the next day as well. It was warm, but could have been worse.

Today, though, I decided to try a “run while dog walking” and, also because of some other things that I’ve been dealing with I decided to shorts it up. So I went out in shorts and a sleeveless t and no scarf. And we went for a jog/walk/stand still with my dog.

It felt weird. It felt nice. It was a little betraying, and a little freeing, and a little WTF?

And then I took a bath, put on my skirt/shirt/light sweater/scarf and went to work for the in-service (I have the night off)

Hypocritical? probably.
Do I really care? A little bit.
Am I really that devoted to modesty? No.
But do I love headcovering? Somehow, yes.

And now, what do I do?
Fuck, I don’t know.

outing + sighting

26 April 2009

I slept in this morning and debated back and forth about going to Springfield to the mall. I know I don’t need anything, but man, I want to see what’s out. I want a new skirt!

So, I wait around, call a friend. Finally I decide that, hey, since I’m already dressed, I might as well go. I get there, I’m driving in the parking lot and I see a family. Father, pushing a stroller, a couple children walking near him and his wife. Who happens to be wearing a brown abaya/jilbab, lacy brown scarf and a half niqaab tied under the hijab.

It is good that I came today. I’m calling the day a Full House. I ended up seeing three niqaabis and two women in bonnets! They made me feel ridiculously ‘undercover’ in my white-with purple-pink-orange flowered kerchief. Which, by the way, was complimented by the sales lady at New York & Company. She was a very good sales lady. Creepily so.

Plus, I got three sweaters on sale and three tshirts to replace some I bought to take with me to Yemen. Yeah, they were getting holes in them. Unfortunately, I have to go back tomorrow because one of the sweaters I bought didn’t get that security tag removed. What will tomorrow bring?

*sigh*

20 April 2009

contemplating tryin’ my hand at normal cause ‘crazy’ aint all it’s cracked up to be…

sighting.

15 April 2009

Seen at Target:

Woman, with a white bonnet in a grey dress. Wearing a track-style jacket and sneakers with, what I can only assume are Target tall socks. Working with the digital photo kiosk.

Warmed my heart.

a ‘happy easter’ moment

11 April 2009

So, as we were leaving class today our teacher says “Happy Easter! [pause] if, uh… you celebrate that…”

I was almost out the door, and paused myself as he did, turned a bit and looked at him as he ‘clarified.’ I was pretty sure that was for me. Because I am obviously a muslim. I debated clarifying myself as a Christian or just walking on.

In the end I just walked on, and at Good Friday service today, I wondered if that was one of my own Peter moments. When I talk to some of my classmates in Physiology, I tend to throw words like “my church” in to the conversation when possible. Though I’m not sure that relabels me as “Christian”

I suppose I’m frustrated because most people just assume and no one bothers to ask. (of course last week I think I was thankful no one ever asked)