Posts Tagged ‘hope’

random things i’ll probably delete when i get some sleep

8 December 2010

You know those days when you hate yourself? It’s like you dwell on every little thing you said and did in the past decade and how it was all terrible? Yeah. Welcome to my day — well night but now going into the day. Now I can’t sleep. Go figure.

I should probably read some Psalms. But that’ll probably screw me all up too. Dear Jesus: SAY WHA? srsly.

I know, I know, that one of you who’s all “dana, is this really jesus’ fault?” i say, “well probably not but i’m still pissed about the whole Betty thing, which really was his fault. and totally not related to this at all.

While I’m taking out my illogically-related-to-the-trinity things out, Dear Holy Spirit: Please be a little more OBVIOUS about things you say to your people. Cause a lot of people say you told them shit, and it’s kinda hard to reconcile. All I’m sayin’ is a little *raises hand* “you know, I really DIDN’T speak to that crazy televangelist” I’d be like more cool with you as a general idea. So, when you get on that, give me a heads up with everyone else.

Cause you know I tend to be the last to know shit. Also, to the Father part: can we work on people skillz? Mine in particular, but your whole “christian” people could use a little of that action.

One final thing for the whole Trinity: Thanks for this semester almost being over. And thanks for making it look like this whole “nursing school” thing might just work out. I’m beginning to believe it’s really going to happen. I’ll totally believe it when I move. Though I won’t ever trust it’s real until I have that BSN in hand.



17 October 2010

dear bob marley,
i know you said that
every thing’s gonna be alright,
but sometimes
i have a lot of difficulty believing that

i believe it
but i wish i didn’t.

that’s all for now

a cooking duh.

24 September 2010

In the chronicles of “Why the hell didn’t i think of this before now?” I present to you,

You know how when you buy fresh veggies… Wait. you might not know this. Let me explain. Sometimes, I want to make a dish. It requires fresh vegetables. Often these vegetables are sold in units larger than the recipe calls for, and for whatever reason you can’t just buy a smaller amount. So I buy them and I use what the recipe calls for. And the rest go bad. REALLY! and then a month later I’m all, “Man, I need some celery!” and the cycle repeats.

So, I have this celery in the fridge because um. the carrot curry recipe called for it. And I’m all “I should use it. I should eat it. I’m going to have to throw this out!” When all of a sudden I saw this blog post (which I can’t for the life of me find right now) that had a picture of celery, cut up and in a FREEZER BAG. It was like MY WHOLE LIFE expanded. FREEZE the food you can’t eat right away. Like the thought never crossed my mind. God, I’m dumb sometimes. But I just saved me some celery. (I assume you can do this with other foods. and probably not with some.)

Anyway. I think this idea came from Budget Bytes but if not, it’s still 100% worth checking out.

On a completely unrelated note: KANSAS CITY, HERE I COME! (you know, insha’allah, b’ezret hashem, we will with god’s help +) We are going to church it up.


21 August 2010

So, I went to Temple today. Or Friday night, which might be today. Whatever. It was different. And yet, at the same time very familiar.

Reading psalms. Words that are very familiar to me, putting them in a new light. An alter. Carrying the Torah around the room. People kissing it, or touching their seder to it and kissing that. Kissing things, it’s becoming familiar.

Chanting. At times very bad Hebrew chanting. Bad chanting is something I’m familiar with, and in certain ways truly love, along with its sister, bad singing. But there were parts where the congregation was more familiar and raised its voice together. Very lovely.

I think I’m going to add it to my list of places I go regularly, as my work schedule allows. I wonder what this makes me.

Happy Hanukkah!

13 December 2009


I’m celebrating in a possibly blasphemous, completely contrived way. I’d like to say I’m enjoying it, but I’m super stressed from waiting to hear about this job. I think the interview went well enough, but … it might just come down to me not having any experience in this area. I hope not because I totally want this job and I know I can rock it.

At the same time, my current job is stressing me out as well. There are a lot of new people, a lot of under-staffing and it’s hard. Plus my coworkers are irritating me, which probably says more about me than them.

I’m having the stressed out dreams. Something about a brand new rotting bicycle and a shop reminiscent of Yemen. Something else about work. Something else about church. It’s probably good I don’t remember them any better than I do.

I’m also thinking about headcovering off and on. It seems to be just something I do now, which is fine by me, but I think when I move, I will stop the full time covering, and I will probably miss it. I’ve gone through phases with the headcovering. The most recent of which was a Jewish style, around the head and around the bun in the back of my head. It’s becoming uncomfortable though. I find myself wanting to wear full hijab or nothing. Not really sure why. I end up wearing hijab at my house and something else outside of it. Because I don’t want the Islamic associations.  I’ve done hijab before and then moved on. Like I said, phases. Guess I’ll just take it as it comes.

Anyway, prayers for obtaining this job, housing, transportation, and workable class schedule, plus not freaking out & what not are appreciated.


5 December 2009

I have a job interview Monday! I’m very excited about this as it will put me

a) physically closer to where I need to be for classes
b) in a hospital/acute setting
c) working with the population I hope to work with post nursing degree.

13 October 2009

Okay. So, I’m looking for a situation change: namely job & location. I have some leads on all accounts. I am so hopeful about this. I would really like it to work out. So all prayers are welcome, as nothing is sure yet.

working out the details.

11 September 2009

So, I went out to check the mail today. I got to the mailbox and saw the one lone business envelope. Bill, I thought to myself. When I pulled it out I was shocked to see the logo of the nursing school I applied to ages ago.

I sent in the application in late July or so, but they recommended having them in by early June or even May. I didn’t finish everything, like the second letter of recommendation or transcripts from my alma mater until early August. I wasn’t even sure why I was sending it in because I knew it was late and the school’s assosiations make it pretty prestigous. I figured it would be a quick turn around to my rejection letter. “Class is full, we don’t need you.” And when I saw the envelope, it was small. When you get in to college the first time ’round, little envelopes mean ‘rejected’ because all you need is a letter, big envelopes mean ‘accepted’ because they need to send all the financial aid and housing and EVERYTHING information.

So, I’m feeling down. I expect rejection. I see the small envelope and I think, “Damn! Took them long enough.” and then I look at it, and there appear to be boxes, a grid on a sheet. That’s weird right? A rejection letter with a grid?

So, I open it. I see my address & the greeting, but the first line is hidden in the fold of the paper.


I got in!


My start date class is full, so I’m waitlisted there, but if I dont’ get in to that class, I am guaranteed a spot in the next class (which won’t start until Jan 2011) Which sounds forever in the future. I am, however, making plans for what I can do between finishing my prereqs (which should be done in the spring) and that January.

I think I’m still going to apply to the other nursing school I’m looking at, but at least I GOT IN! (commence screaming) and, it was my first choice school.

Now, to work out the details of getting to class for the prereqs and moving to another city.

Victory is so close

9 August 2009

Okay, so I previously mentioned the Soap/Shampoo/Conditioner saga. In a sentence summary: I vowed not to buy more of any of any one category until all in my house was used up. That vow was made mid-December 2007. In April 2009, a mere 16 months later, I declared victory over the shampoo. I finished the last of it, and bought new. Today, August 8, 2009 I declare victory over the conditioner. (That horse conditioner doesn’t count, and may be going into the trash soon)  Tomorrow, to try out the new conditioner I bought. The only one left is soap. I have at least another bar and a bottle left. Tremble soap, you’re going down!

cars suck, yo.

19 July 2009

So, I have a car, its name is PANTS! (dumb story, which is the only endearing thing about the car) PANTS! has given me lots and lots of shit during the time that I’ve owned it, but in the past 18 months since I’ve been back in the states, it’s been real hell.  Towed thrice (in six months), to the mechanic (who happens to be my uncle, so glad I trust him!) five times. Most recently two simplish repairs. I got it back the week after the 4th, took it to Springfield and enrolled in my classes for the fall semster and got Zeke & I signed up for dog training at PetSmart in the next week. It worked like a charm. Then Sunday, I wanted to take it to church. I got about three miles from home when I realized that I wouldn’t be able to make it because the shifting & accellerating were just wrong.

Shit. I just got it back, and now another problem. So I decided, Fuck it. I am not fixing this car. I refuse.

So, I have my mother’s Geo, I call it the Little Blue Death Bucket (or LBDB for short). Between it & PANTS! I’ve maintained vehicular transportation. But the LBDB is getting old. And I’ve been warned that its lifespan is coming to an end, sometime, and that long distances & highway driving will bring that end faster.

My uncle, the mechanic, has been telling me for a while that I need to get a new car. (new, new to me, whatever — something more reliable) but I can think of a million things I’d rather buy than a car.

So, I’m prepping for a carless time. I’ve borrowed a friend’s bike that I’ve ridden a couple of times. I’m planning out routes to get me to work, away from cars. I’m thinking of people in my church that I can get rides from if that day comes.

I’m planning on riding to work, at least a few times a week to get used to it and to attempt to preserve car life.

I know I’m crazy. I know I should probably just buy a car. But I just don’t want to. It’s not about the environment. It is, in part, due to money. Car, registration, oil changes, gas, insurance, and other things I’m forgetting. It’s also the dependancy on other people, mainly mechanics. I want to be able to fix whatever might be wrong. I want my machinery to be simple enough for me to at least be able to see what is wrong. I want to depend on myself for my own movement.

At least in theory. I might change my mind when it’s no longer theoretical. Which hopefully will remain in the future.